I'm at my desk admiring the balloons someone put in my office to celebrate new years. I'm curious whether they chose the colors to match our logo or if it just happened to be what the store offered them. Either way, I'm impressed and happy to have something special to look at all day.
I let my hair out today. Something I hardly ever do, but something I always wish I was confident enough to do. It's long (and still blond) now, maybe longer than it's ever been; atleast very close to it. I wish I could announce myself to you. It would make sharing a lot more fun, but not so safe - so I won't.
I woke up missing my lover this morning, but glad to have my love. He's the realistic choice. He really is. I've lived realistically, unreastically, in denial, in control... every which way, and realistic is what gets things done. It's what makes the world go 'round. It's what matters in the long run. My lover sent me a text last night telling me that he can't give me security, but he can give me love. That is what it comes down to. Isn't that a horrible, horrible choice!? Especially when his love is the kind of love that you melt right into. And when he holds me close, and I smell his deep musk, and breath deep - I really do think the entire world disappears....
And did I mention I have a teen-age son? He drives me nuts! "Obviously I'm going to do laundry Mom!"... there's nothing obvious about him taking an sort of action, ever... unless of course it involves something that contains no sense of responsibility. Grrrr.
Friday, January 2, 2009
My First Time
So here I sit. Overwhelmed with current life and harboring so many secrets from so many sections of my livelihood that I'm about to explode. Let me introduce myself by telling you I am a 34 year old woman. I'm relatively attractive, thin, a little more than average height, 130 pounds... I have a mid paying job that I enjoy, that I'm not sure I deserve. I have a beautiful boyfriend (my love), that again, I'm not sure I deserve. I also have a very sexy lover who I feel I am better than, so I don't respect his needs and he continuously breaks my heart as a result.
I'm in the throws of PMS today. It's making me sad and angry and I just want everyone to disappear.
I recently put a personal ad on Craig's List? That helped my mood for a few days. But, I suggest you don't do that unless you are utterly average and have low expectations.
My troubles tonight? Well. My boyfriend of almost 5 years, minus about 10 break-ups has been head over heels in love with me. That is, only since I met someone new a year ago. And before that he could have gone days without noticing he hadn't talked to me. So... it's only reasonable that I sought out someone new. And, as I said, now he wants to be wrapped around me 24 hours a day. My lover, on the other hand, is furious and threateningly close to not being in love with me anymore. My dilemma? My boyfriend fits my image. He's real. My lover? He's rough around the edges, has a dirty past, and not such a promising future. But he is ab-so-lutley!! delicious. He is capable of giving me such pleasures that I tingle just thinking about him. That, my dear friends, is the hook. And it's set deep!
What am I all about? I am about non-strenuous fun and meticulous success.
Why did I start this blog? So I don't explode.
I'm in the throws of PMS today. It's making me sad and angry and I just want everyone to disappear.
I recently put a personal ad on Craig's List? That helped my mood for a few days. But, I suggest you don't do that unless you are utterly average and have low expectations.
My troubles tonight? Well. My boyfriend of almost 5 years, minus about 10 break-ups has been head over heels in love with me. That is, only since I met someone new a year ago. And before that he could have gone days without noticing he hadn't talked to me. So... it's only reasonable that I sought out someone new. And, as I said, now he wants to be wrapped around me 24 hours a day. My lover, on the other hand, is furious and threateningly close to not being in love with me anymore. My dilemma? My boyfriend fits my image. He's real. My lover? He's rough around the edges, has a dirty past, and not such a promising future. But he is ab-so-lutley!! delicious. He is capable of giving me such pleasures that I tingle just thinking about him. That, my dear friends, is the hook. And it's set deep!
What am I all about? I am about non-strenuous fun and meticulous success.
Why did I start this blog? So I don't explode.
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